I’m not afraid of dying but time’s still a terrifying thing.
There are days when death might be welcome. You know, the days when everything that could go wrong is going wrong, and you think, “What’s the point?” But more often, time has the opposite effect on me. It keeps ticking away while I keep trying to create something greater than anything I’ve ever created before. And that’s the constant dilemma.
I have a rare, slow-progressing blood cancer. My days are numbered. Even though I’m ready to go any day now, I don’t want to. I’ve still got so much I want to do. No, I’m not afraid of dying, but I want to live long enough to enjoy 15-20 years of retirement. I want to have the time to continue to work on music, poetry, books, photography, and whatever creative works I choose to complete.
Time keeps ticking. It creates a slight sense of urgency, a need to create things at a steady pace. It’s a dilemma. On one hand, it’s time to slow down, take my time, and master my art. On the other, I could die tomorrow and I want to create that piece of music that will be considered forever great before I go. – dse