high alert
it’s going to kill me,
this high alert,
always worried that
death is around the next bend.
what did i do to deserve
such an existence?
it makes me want to take
something to calm down,
to distill myself.
just as sleep comes,
the sirens sound in my mind,
blasting me into a consciousness
that i long to suspend.
if only for a moment
i could escape
these racing thoughts
brought on
by my own seed,
my very blood
reproducing
in double time.
if this doesn’t kill me
it won’t make me stronger.
it makes me want to hide
in the bottom of the ocean
and breathe water.
what else can i do?
fourteen hours underwater
and I’m still alive,
wondering how this can be.
it’s cold and i’m no longer wet
but it’s dark and lonely.
if this doesn’t kill me
i fear life will be endless
with no escape.
there will be no heaven,
no hell, nothing in the end
but to decompose
at the bottom of the sea
until my molecules become
the sea itself and my spirit
cannot fathom.
inverse
chips in the frequency
of this place i become
are causing anxiety.
nowhere is perfect
and nothing is sublime
but the waves of the ocean
and the sands of memory.
i once held the hand of
an Angel in a sundress
before she ascended to heaven.
she became a star while
i retreated into darkness,
inverse to the reality
i am meant to be.
time is limited and infinite,
simultaneously, while love has
no bounds. the curtain only
closes when the play is over
and the play is never over.
the frequency is changing
and so i must direct myself.
winter
this humidity is pressing
me from all directions,
drowning me in senseless
burden.
the light goes on and on
until my eyes are blinded
by its intensity. and when
the sun goes down, the
streetlight steals my dreams.
i want winter.
let darkness come early
and linger into morning.
let blizzards bury my pain
and force me into the reality
of setting myself free.
let the cold warm my heart
without draining me of every
ounce of sweat.
let spring be slow in its arrival
and joy renewed for a spell.
i want winter
eternal.
