Neil Young once said it’s better to burn out than fade away. I’m not so sure. I’m not even sure he would agree now. Truth is, sometimes I just want to fade away.
What do I mean by that? Let me explain.
Most of us spend our lives trying to prove ourselves worthy of our status. We want to impress our peers. We try to find work that will keep us comfortable, maybe even make us rich. We look for a partner who will provide us with security and children. We buy cars and houses and all the other stuff that we believe will satisfy us.
We spend our lives trying to be seen and heard. That last sentence might especially be true for us art and business types. We want our art, music, or product to be seen. We want it to sell.
But the mass majority of artists and wanna-be entrepreneurs never succeed in their endeavors. It’s kind of sad really. I’ve met so many people my age and older who are still hoping they will “make it” in the music business. And although I don’t ever give up hope, I have pretty much stopped dreaming.
The Internet and social media magnify everything.
Before the Internet and social media, the only way to become noticed was to stand out among the crowd. One actually needed to connect with others in person. When I wanted people to hear new songs, I got together with other songwriting friends, or booked a gig at my local coffee shop or bar. Now, I can be famous in my own mind by starting a website and a YouTube channel.
But it all begins to feel so in vain. My primary goal hasn’t been to get noticed or to make money from my online endeavors for some time now.
I used to have that dream. Now, I simply use this site to express my thoughts and feelings about songwriting, music, and a variety of other things in life. I use YouTube to catalog years of songwriting work. I use Bandcamp to express myself through experimental and ambient music. And I enjoy those things. I do it primarily for myself.
I moved to Nashville for work, but…
In November of 2024 I got a job in the Nashville region. I took the job, primarily because I was not quite ready to retire from full-time work status. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t move with a small glint of hope that maybe I could find a home for my songs. Maybe, I’d be discovered.
It didn’t take me long to see that I didn’t even want to play that game.
I made a few calls. I sent a few emails. I even got a little bit excited when I heard back from someone at BMI and made a connection with a management company. Then a few months ago, I played a few open mics. I was not impressed. Why? Not because I don’t enjoy performing from time to time. I do.
But rather because I don’t like to sit in bars and drink and wait for hours on end while listening to others pump themselves up. I’d rather be home reading a book, or taking a walk on the beach.
Going back to Maine in the spring.
I don’t see much point in staying in Nashville. I own a small condo in Maine. Why pay two rents or have to deal with being a landlord.
But it’s not just that. There are way too many people in the Nashville region for my liking. I avoid going into the city like the plague. And even where I live, 30 minutes to the north, there is so much new building and increasing population that it makes me want to run… fast.
At least life will be more quiet in Maine. There are less people, there is less traffic, and there is much more natural beauty.
But my condo is in the southern part of the state. That’s the most populated part of Maine. I spend a lot of time considering living in an even more remote area. Sometimes, I look at homes way up north in Washington and Aroostook counties. I’m not sure I’ll ever actually move up there, but I will do some investigating.
And that’s what I mean by fading away.
To me fading away isn’t giving up. It’s not being lazy and quitting as a creative. It’s stepping away from the idea that I have to be seen and heard by anyone but myself and the few who might be interested in the things I create.
It’s about living a quiet and simple life and connecting with everything and everyone around me. Not fading away from, but fading away into. It’s less about trying and more about… Living. Doing. Loving.
Let’s stay in touch. – dse
