As a creative in my 60s, I have a dilemma. It’s something that has been nagging me for some time. You might relate. I think it’s something we creatives deal with in general, but the dilemma seems to become greater with age.
How much of your life are you willing to sacrifice?
There it is: The great dilemma. Keith Richards says he’ll never retire because he does what he does for himself as much as for others. I understand that. Music and writing are deep passions. Songwriting is part of me. I can’t not write songs. However, as of now, I’m not getting paid to write songs. Keith is.
I’ve put a lot of time and energy into writing songs, poetry, books, and music. Time is not just money, it’s life. We only get so much time. How much of that time do I want to spend writing songs that are not paying the bills? That’s the great dilemma.
The same goes for writing books. There’s a part of me that wants to work on a new novel this year. I’ve got several ideas, even some starts. But writing a book is a huge undertaking, it’s a commitment, and at what cost? What would the likelihood of getting published be? I’ll tell you. It’s slim, and it gets slimmer with age.
There are no guarantees.
As you know, there are no guarantees. Life is uncertain. Any one of us could be wiped off the face of the Earth at any minute. So how do you want to spend your time, your life? What are the most important things? Your children? Your home? Travel? Love?
Since I’ve moved to Tennessee, I realize how much I miss Maine, and living near my daughter. After working a few more years, do I want to stay here just because it’s where the music is? Or will I want to be closer to wherever my daughter, and maybe grandkids are living?
As we get older we inevitably have less time, so those questions become more important. Some days I am driven to keep writing and pushing to get my work seen, read, and heard, because I don’t want to regret not having tried. On other days I think the creative life is all vanity and I should just focus on my health, travel, maybe buy a place in the country and plant a little garden, spend time with family and friends.
There are no easy answers to these questions.
For now, I’ve taken a middle road. I will continue to do what I do, what I’ve done for almost 50 years now. I’ll create. Now that I’m in the Nashville region, I’ll make some attempts to make connections into the music business. However, I’m not going to walk around with stars in my eyes. I’ll have a little fun, but I’ll balance music with life.
In time, as I get closer to retirement from my career in academia, I’ll make a more deliberate choice about how much time and energy I’ll put into this creative life. What will that choice be? I don’t know yet. That’s the great dilemma. – dse
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