Warning: this is a long article.
I’ve had an on/off relationship with the blues for more than 30 years. I’ve also written gospel and contemporary Christian songs throughout my songwriting journey. I think the blues are a better art form and I’ll tell you why.
But first, let’s talk about God. That’s right, the subject I tend to put off in any detail but address often in my lyrics.
Here’s a little religious history about me.
- 1963: Born the son of a Advent Christian preacher.
- 1963-1970: Attended church regularly until my dad gave up the ministry.
- 1973: Moved from Maine to Washington to become part of a religious-based cult. See my book, A Train Called Forgiveness.
- 1979: Escaped the cult.
- 1979-1990: Avoided religion but still prayed. Mom was a conservative Christian, told me I’d go to hell for certain behaviors.
- 1990-1993: This period was very important to my current views on religion. I went through a few years of spiritual crisis. I’ll explain later in this article.
- 1993-1996: Avoided churches.
- 1996-2020: Attended and played worship music in a variety of Presbyterian and Methodist churches. During this era I got married (1999). I lost my firstborn child, Angel (2001). The second-born, Annie, was born healthy (2005). Started a divorce in 2006.
- 2020: Stopped attending church
- 2020-2025: Reexamined my entire view of religion and Christianity.
Of course, my past in a cult has had a great effect on how I see religion. In fact, the more I examine the modern church, the more I am quite positive that it’s literally just another form of cult. But it was the years between 1990-1993 that have even more impact on my views of religion.
My personal religious storm.
Around 1990, I started having some mental-health issues. The only way I can describe it is that it was something like paranoid schizophrenia, although I was never diagnosed.
My mom told me to read the Bible and pray. I did. I probably spent more time reading the Bible and praying than many people do in their entire lifetime. I read the Bible from cover to cover at least five times. I prayed for 30-60 minutes many days.
But I also struggled with substance use, alcohol, marijuana, and tobacco. Nothing hard and I didn’t use to the extreme. Yet, it contributed to my problems at the time.
Here’s what reading the Bible did for me during those years. It scared the shit out of me. I felt condemned. I felt hopeless. I felt like God could never forgive me, that I was beyond redemption. It was only after giving up all substances and going back to college in the summer of 1993 that my mind began to heal itself.
I will say, there was a moment during my religious storm where I felt I heard “the voice of God” and that he told me everything would be okay. But remember, I was having “paranoid schizophrenic-like” symptoms. And for most of three years, I was overwhelmed by voices of fear and condemnation, even when I was clean and prayerful.
My church-going years.
In 1996, I decided to start going to church. I chose the Presbyterian denomination. I’m glad I did. If I ever decide to go back to church, I might choose Presbyterian again.
Throughout my time as a regular church-goer, I played music for the church, I went to conferences, I regularly helped in the church in one way or another. The greatest benefit I found to going to church was the social experience. I met good people and made friends. Going to church might have made me feel good about myself, but it mostly felt ritualistic, as if I was simply going through the motions, repeatedly.
I began to question church. Beyond the social aspect, what was the point? My conclusion was that there really was no point. If there is a God, I had come to believe that God is an all-loving God. I believe that there is no God who would separate his or her children into two camps and send some to heaven and others to hell. If the God that anyone worships would do that, I decided that is not a God I want to worship. And that’s the way every church I’ve ever been to does it, even the Presbyterians.
The power of prayer, or not.
What is prayer. I’m sure many of you will disagree. But it’s simply an act of convincing ourselves we are good people doing the right thing. It might work a little like positive thinking, but I concluded that my life was no better or worse whether or not I practiced prayer.
Whatever happens is going to happen. I lost a child. My ex-wife had extreme OCD. I went to college and started a decent career in higher education. God didn’t do any of that. It just is. And prayer didn’t fix or help anything along the way.
This morning I watched a a black woman in the hotel spend about a minute in prayer before she ate her breakfast. I might guess she included gratefulness and I can appreciate that. But she likely included some personal requests as well. But life will happen as it happens. Another tornado could hit the hotel we are staying at in Joplin, Missouri and bam. Nothing. And to think, if her ancestors had not become slaves of “good American Christians” she’d probably never be praying in the first place. And don’t tell me God directed the slavery movement!
My conclusions about religion.
Religion as we know it is mostly based on the unknown. It’s how humans have chosen to explain the things we cannot know. I would go as far as to say it’s based on the fear of the unknown. We are afraid of death so we must give it meaning. We are afraid of evil spirits, so we must fend them off with the protection of an invisible God. But what if it’s all in our heads?
Second, after moving to the South and seeing such a presence of huge mega-churches, it has further convinced me that our current model of the Christian church is far from what Jesus would have ever expected or wanted. Jesus turned the tables for people making profits in the temples.
I understand that most churches do some charity work, but I also see that most mega-churches are making a shit-ton of money. How? Through donations and free labor. I see the cross used more as an idol than anything else.
So, WTF does any of this have to do with the blues?
I’ve said that the blues and gospel both come from the same place, but from different perspectives. No, blues is not the evil twin of gospel. Blues is the truth. Gospel is weighed down with religious-influenced dogma.
A blues singer will tell you his or her sad story of love and loss. A gospel singer will parrot religious scriptures and sing of faith and hope. A blues singer may still praise God, but might also question God. A gospel singer will only praise and never question. A blues singer will look at life through his or her own personal experiences. A gospel singer only looks at the world through the lens of religion.
One form is conditioned by the whole of life, including the writer’s views of God. The other form is conditioned solely by religion. I have come to the conclusion, therefore, that the blues is stronger, more intellectual, more emotional, more real. And while gospel may play a role in providing some hope to the down-trodden, it’s really only parroting long-held religious doctrine.
All this to lead to a lyric I recently wrote.
The Blues Is My Gospel
I’m going down to the river, gonna sing the blues
I’m going down to the river, gonna sing the blues
Gonna walk along the banks and shout out the truth
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
I’m gonna climb that mountain and reach for the sky
I’m gonna climb that mountain and reach for the sky
I’m gonna live and be one with the power up on high
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
I’m going deep down in my heart, gonna purge out my shame
Then I’ll go down to the delta and call out his name
Jesus, Allah, or music, it’s really all the same
The power lives in my freedom to choose
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
Now, I’ll play this old guitar until the day that I die
Yeah, I’ll play this old guitar until the day that I die
I’m gonna live and be one with that power up on high
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
I’ll go down to the crossroads where good things meet
Then I’ll sing that message loud, right on out in the street
You know, I won’t glorify anybody else’s defeat
Cuz we’ve all got the right to win or lose
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
I’m going down to the river, gonna sing the blues
I’m going down to the river, gonna sing the blues
Gonna walk along the banks and shout out the truth
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
The blues is my gospel
Good news, good news
I’ll be working these words to music soon. – dse
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